Is Childhood a Burden of Expectations???

 

‘If you have childhood dreams, you should have great parents who let you pursue them……” –Randy Pausch. 

Are we one of such ‘great parents?

In present days the fun of growing up years is missing….. Why? Where have those ‘Wonder Years’ gone?? 

Is it the burden of ‘syllabus bound education’ … ‘Tiger parenting’ or both? 

Who will decide…..? The parent or the child? Our child, who wants to reach out to his dreams.

This little bundle of joy starts exploring the world around him with loving…doting parents, always at an arm away to hold him and support him.

The time flies and the day dawn to start the formal education…..the task of teaching our little monkey to hold a pencil or a book to read and write. 

The search for the best school is on. Of course, we want the best for our kid. But we forget that this ‘time frame’ is a small window of time for a child to learn and develop at a pace which is right for him.

Close your eyes and try to remember the parent teacher’s meetings of your kid. Among the hustle-bustle of the parents, the complaining teachers who point out that the books are not in the bag….. assignments are incomplete…..not attentive in class, the list is endless.

Maybe an iota of truth is in it…….. As a parent, you try to maintain the balance from your end. But often the child is the scapegoat, who stands quietly… head bent…. listening quietly but his silent wails are falling to deaf ears. 

I cannot forget Animesh. He was an average student. But he suddenly started lagging in class. Parents were worried. The class teacher was very vocal in her complains while he listened silently, opening his mouth like a fish gasping to breathe, every now n then. 

It was evident that he wanted to say something. But no one had time to find out what was troubling him….

Later it was found that his mother was busy looking after his two months old sibling. Animesh’s support system suddenly dwindled he was unable to cope with studies on his own. His father was busy with his air force duties.

If only we ever try to hear their views??? What problems…. fears … insecurities they are facing after stepping out of the safe zone of their family????? 

Some questions loom large in front of us…

Why they are inattentive in class…..what are the reasons for not completing the assignments??? 

Is the syllabus bound education, which emphasizes rote learning dampening their creativity or they are burdened with our over expectations? 

Do we ever care to find out the answers? Some of us do while most of us are too busy with our own burdens of life...

Raising a child is an art; It is all about care, affection, understanding and maintaining a balance between our expectations and his dreams.

We should not misunderstand the distinction between loving and possessing. 

“...love them but do not burden them with your thoughts, for they perceive life with their own experiences. We give them birth but their soul is not ours, for their souls would pave a path of their own.”   

You… me … us, we all have to learn a lot about parenting and time management to cater to our kid’s emotional needs, to help them grow into a confident person.

Don’t over-schedule their routine to keep them busy. 

Never expect him/her to get the highest marks. No doubt standards matter but his ability matters a lot. 

Send this message across to them that parents are their friends but a parent first… Parental authority has to be accepted by them.

Our role is to remind them constantly to work hard and keep trying their best. They are worthy and capable of reaching out to their dreams.

We parents most of the time try to live our dreams through our children...Without a doubt, we have to accept the brutal fact that our kids would grow into a ‘Whole Person’ with their thought processes, ideologies beliefs and values.

We should refrain from conditioning our child into a ‘mini us’ to fulfil our lost dreams.

Undoubtedly we are their support system and the support system is very important for every individual…. Be it a child, an adolescent or elders. All of us are surrounded by an invisible support system provided by nature. No one is abandoned on this planet called Earth.

Like a frail...delicate creeper climbs up with the support of a tree, a fence or a wall…. But the support never shirks or takes away the beauty of that creeper plant, but they stand firm together, side by side. 

Similarly, the child grows with parental support and learns to stand confidently.

pic courtesy:https://www.facebook.com/plantae.paradise.5(Col. Maneet Singh Dwara)

Give them firm ‘Roots’ to grow into a confident person… encourage them to flap their ‘Wings’ of imagination to soar high to wider horizons. 

These ‘Roots’ would help them to bind with the family, culture, heritage and while ‘Wings’ would help them to achieve their goals. 

My 33 years of teaching career as a school teacher has been an eye-opener. This journey has taught me lessons in life. How we elders mess up with parenting.