I have lived my life and in the twilight years often I look back and smile at the incidents, experiences… associations formed… lost. At this juncture of life, it just seems that a documentary is being rolled out and “the Scriptwriter” is still busy pulling strings from above n directing the lives of us, earthy mortals.
On second thought…the script has already been written, and we
are playing our part/role in this play called “life”. Our soul is learning certain
lessons of life through the physical form/ character we all have adorned.
It amuses me. We meet these characters and form associations,
bonds which continue for a short time while some remain and some just disappear
into oblivion, gone.
Just like waves in the ocean meet at shores for a while and
then again take off on their journey leaving no trace behind. But in life,
everyone leaves an impression on our lives……
My elephant memory is always active; it doesn’t let me sit in
peace…. I often remember those associations and now I want to treasure them in
my diary or my blog…
I met Pam through a common friend Vidush, who was my
brother’s batchmate and my cousin’s childhood friend. Our chance meeting was official
but we struck a chord and it developed into a beautiful association.
He introduced me to another friend of his who needed a little
push in blog writing as she was in a habit of penning her thoughts. We both got
in touch and spoke telephonically.
What did I hear? A soft husky voice, speaking intelligently
with a tinge of wit and laughter. Over the short period, we were acquainted and
spoke over the phone regularly since we were sitting miles apart in two
different cities.
But I was curious. She always sounded very cautious while
talking and often I felt a surge of emotions ready to pour out but she was in
perfect control. Was it my fig of imagination …? Overthinking?
I asked her to share a pic of herself as she didn’t have any
social media account…. Strange, in today’s times when the whole world has
shrunk into the virtual world of mobile phones she doesn’t have a social media
presence?
Within minutes a pic flashed in my inbox. What did I see? A fair
short-statured, well-groomed smiling woman sitting next to her husband. This
picture spoke a thousand words…..
A very wealthy background, a high place in society where
sparkling diamonds are like twinkling stars of a starry night. “What am I doing
with her … not my scene? But I’m here to push her and help her with her
blog…I reminded myself.”
I glanced back at the pic….suddenly I realized my initial
readings were somehow not wrong. Her eyes spoke unsaid words….I zoomed on the
pic……smile was infectious, eyes were glistening ….. Do I detect unshed tears,
trauma…pain? She was a person who was putting up a brave front, fighting her
demons.
The person sitting next to her was also an interesting
character to read…. He is a practical, successful person yet sitting defensively with
his arms tightly folded as though warding off something.
Finally, when we both met, I found her a very well organized,
efficient, caring but a little domineering or overbearing person. She liked to
be in control of situations to run things smoothly whether at home or outside.
But she was very careful and cautious before uttering
something. She was not sure how much she could trust me. She doesn’t let people
step into her life casually.
Slowly we developed some rapport and I came to know her pain…
tension and trauma. The reason behind it was her husband’s involvement with
other ladies, no not ladies but young girls. I do not know what is the
compulsion for these young girls/females, who get drawn to such relationships….
money, lust, or sex for fun?
But it seems he’s at no point of return unless God has
drafted some different lines in the script of their lives.
She comes from a joint family and was married at a very young
age, just out of her teens. She lives in a dream world and still hopes her
husband would come back to her, which is highly doubtful.
Or ... Maybe I do not
have all the facts as to why he went astray, to no point of return. But one
thing is sure he’s having the best of both worlds….. a cosy home, financially
strong and a colourful life outside in
the company of young girls and booze.
Then I asked her the obvious question, “What do you want from
your life? Your kids are grown up, married with their own families. They know
everything about their father yet they don’t have a remedy for your problem.”
“Start writing; edit … polish whatever you’ve written.” But despite
every assurance to help her in the creative work she just didn’t show any
inclination to move ahead.
Amidst all this pandemonium where is Pam? Everyone around her
is busy moving ahead with their own life. What is she doing with her life?
She keeps travelling and taking refuge in the mountains of Uttrakhand, where she finds solace. A lost, lonely woman looking for that little carefree girl who once happily roamed around those pine trees.
Her fondness for mountains is famous among her friends
n family, so our dear friend, Vidush calls her “Pahari Bakri” (a mountain goat)
Her immediate family, mother, uncles, her kids… everyone
knows her story but the only solution they offer….. "Stay put, you have
everything… money, status, luxury and comforts of life. What else do you need
now at this point in life?"
Lo n behold ….Is this what we women live for?
Would I ever give this advice to my daughter or would she accept
this remedy? NEVER.
Recently she said to me, “I was born and brought up with a
silver spoon and married to a golden spoon.”
Wowww!! What a heavy price for all the silver and gold
spoons. (No sarcasm meant here but just an outburst.)
Is this an easy choice or a compromise or was it destiny, her
soul had to learn some lessons in this life?? This question looms large in
front of me.
But in reality, one has to find solutions to their problems,
as it is one’s journey and one alone has to tread on it. Friends or family
members can lend their support but the initial step has to be taken by the
person fighting his/her battles.
Personally, I feel life is difficult and full of conflicts.
But in reality, it is all about our ability to face all the ups and downs with
a positive attitude because storms never last forever…..seasons change!!!
PS: Recently she admitted that she thinks she has to learn certain lessons in
life and spread love, compassion n happiness among others.
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