The Wonder Woman

 

This post is dedicated to Joyce….. Yes, this was the name given to her by the American Missionary friends of her family. Today in the twilight years, she often sits alone with a cup of tea and reminisces of her bygone sixty-five years.

“She has hated this woman. She has not loved herself and has allowed others to tell her she wasn't good enough.

She allowed herself to be broken. She let others treat her disrespectfully. She fought battles for others, knowing they would never stand for her.

She bungled up many times as a friend, a daughter, a wife or mom because she has a smart mouth who doesn’t always say nor do the right things.

She goes without makeup; she doesn’t dress up half the time nor would pretend to be someone she is not.

She has learnt lessons from her failures, trials, and disappointments with sheer grit and faced the challenges boldly. This has made her brave.. proud of who she is. 

She puts up a brave front yet she is afraid. She’s broken but standing gracefully. She is a warrior woman, who may not be perfect but she’s a woman of substance… 

Some people love this brave woman, some dislike her; people, on the whole, find her difficult. But nobody can ignore her and one thing is sure if she loves you, she will do it with her whole heart, she would be committed to you.” 

The above summary of Warrior woman fits Joyce very well. She has come a long way, two failed marriages, trust betrayed, criticized …..

But wait, was she looking for trust in the wrong places?

Didn’t she believe in herself?

Why she felt guilty when she was told she wasn't good enough?

Why she was devoid of the emotion called LOVE or sex, a physical need was that mistaken as love?

Why she couldn’t free herself from her shackles? 

These questions loom large in front of You…Me...n…Us. We often come across such troubled women. Every person has a story to tell, we all have our share of heaven and hell to live.

Are they jinxed??? Why are they compromising??? Is it for the sake of kids or the fear of society?

Mind you they don’t break in one day….. It takes years of mental n physical abuse to break somebody by constantly reminding them that they are worthless. 

They suffer silently while their spirit is crushed; dreams are taken away, confidence is broken. 

Yet a spark n hope is hidden in some corner of their heart which whispers, ‘stand up, dust yourself …. Life is not unfair, it’s beautiful…. Live for yourself. Don’t believe what others have been telling you.’  

Life is not a bed of roses… true, everyone struggles for survival. But breaking away…. it’s a tough decision.

When they finally decide that enough is enough and step out of their cocoon, the whole world is new to them. They feel naked without a shell around them.

They regret how much time they wasted living in fear…while time and years just flew away….

But better late than never…. more importantly, they forgive their abusers and move ahead taking those years as learning lessons to improve their souls. 

What a hard way to learn the lessons?

They may smile or laugh but they hide the pain, insecurities…tread carefully ahead not trusting anybody, that’s the saddest part of life. They have miles to go before they discover themselves.

I wrote this post taking Joyce as an example because ours is a patriarchal society where men, be it a father, brother, husband or son, play a dominant role.

I have seen women being ruled by male counterparts. Families put in more faith in strangers to marry off their daughters rather than educating them and help them to become professionally.. financially independent.

Women are forced to hand over their earnings to their fathers, husbands or in-laws. This I am quoting from my experience, seeing educated, professionally qualified women around me in my circle.

I have always felt that women are very strong personalities, despite facing all the opposition and adverse situations they come out strong. If a woman loses her husband she prefers bringing up kids singlehandedly but when a man loses his wife he needs another woman in his life to take care of his family.

In my earlier posts, I had mentioned that I strongly feel that God has not abandoned us on this planet. We all are here with a support system; in fact, we are part of that system.

Knowingly or unknowingly we become supportive to someone….. bring smile on someone’s face, restore somebody’s confidence, help people to heal up emotionally. The list is long…

Look around you… one doesn’t have to look far. You may bring a smile or sunshine into someone’s life.

Be somebody’s sunshine!!!!

Balance Life Between Responsibilities and Dreams to be Happy !!!

 

Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. You….Me n Us…every day we are trying to fulfil our duties and responsibilities making choices which are best under the circumstances.

 Success can have a different meaning for You… Me n Us. Chasing the goals and achieving them, looking for financial security and ultimately leading a prosperous and secure life. But at what cost? Life is passing right before our eyes.

 Do we ever question ourselves as to what we wanted from life for ‘Us’?

Was it a professional success, recognition?? Yes, but at what cost?

After all the achievements and fulfilling our responsibilities… what next?  

Time to take a deep breath and focus on yourself and look back………

Almost all of us have tread on a path that our parents set for us believing it to be the best road to success and happiness.

‘You….Me n Us’ strived hard for the best grades. Then a hunt for a job with a good salary… working overtime for extra perks…..Leading a mechanical life depriving ourselves simple pleasures of life.

Life becomes an endless task always focusing on the future and overlooking our present. 

Every passing moment we are not growing younger. Maybe in our twilight years, we’ll have money and time but not energy nor health to do things in our ‘bucket list’.

When I look around I find many are living balancing their life between responsibilities and their dreams and I'm really very proud of them.

https://www.facebook.com/sudeep.bhattacherjee... His profile says, "Alive..not just surviving." 

                                 

He is fulfiling his responsibilities towards his family and living a life of his dreams.

https://www.facebook.com/chandra.prakash.94849  He left his desk job to be a wedding photographer and a biker....."One day I might disappear in the mountains"

They are two of the few people I know who are following their passion and dreams. They are happy with their decision and they have the support of their families.

At what point of life will you decide to start living for yourself?

So before the time runs out (as it has for me) find a midway… a balance between responsibilities and your dreams.

‘Be an architect of your life plan…pick up a job which enriches you but the most important is to set aside some time to pursue your hobbies, play with kids and engage in activities which give you joy n happiness.

It’s a popular belief that we don’t get a second chance in life. But believe me, it’s not true. Life is always about the choices we make.  Set your priorities and decide as to what you want from life and then choose wisely and maintain a balance.

Don’t set a trap for yourself………..It’s better to die with memories than to live with unfulfilled dreams…

Pic courtesy Anuroop Bhargava  (My foster son, we lost him in 2016 in a road accident. He gave us fond memories to remember him with smiles. We miss you son)

Always remember “each of us is the architect of our happiness.” Martin Seligman

Is Childhood a Burden of Expectations???

 

‘If you have childhood dreams, you should have great parents who let you pursue them……” –Randy Pausch. 

Are we one of such ‘great parents?

In present days the fun of growing up years is missing….. Why? Where have those ‘Wonder Years’ gone?? 

Is it the burden of ‘syllabus bound education’ … ‘Tiger parenting’ or both? 

Who will decide…..? The parent or the child? Our child, who wants to reach out to his dreams.

This little bundle of joy starts exploring the world around him with loving…doting parents, always at an arm away to hold him and support him.

The time flies and the day dawn to start the formal education…..the task of teaching our little monkey to hold a pencil or a book to read and write. 

The search for the best school is on. Of course, we want the best for our kid. But we forget that this ‘time frame’ is a small window of time for a child to learn and develop at a pace which is right for him.

Close your eyes and try to remember the parent teacher’s meetings of your kid. Among the hustle-bustle of the parents, the complaining teachers who point out that the books are not in the bag….. assignments are incomplete…..not attentive in class, the list is endless.

Maybe an iota of truth is in it…….. As a parent, you try to maintain the balance from your end. But often the child is the scapegoat, who stands quietly… head bent…. listening quietly but his silent wails are falling to deaf ears. 

I cannot forget Animesh. He was an average student. But he suddenly started lagging in class. Parents were worried. The class teacher was very vocal in her complains while he listened silently, opening his mouth like a fish gasping to breathe, every now n then. 

It was evident that he wanted to say something. But no one had time to find out what was troubling him….

Later it was found that his mother was busy looking after his two months old sibling. Animesh’s support system suddenly dwindled he was unable to cope with studies on his own. His father was busy with his air force duties.

If only we ever try to hear their views??? What problems…. fears … insecurities they are facing after stepping out of the safe zone of their family????? 

Some questions loom large in front of us…

Why they are inattentive in class…..what are the reasons for not completing the assignments??? 

Is the syllabus bound education, which emphasizes rote learning dampening their creativity or they are burdened with our over expectations? 

Do we ever care to find out the answers? Some of us do while most of us are too busy with our own burdens of life...

Raising a child is an art; It is all about care, affection, understanding and maintaining a balance between our expectations and his dreams.

We should not misunderstand the distinction between loving and possessing. 

“...love them but do not burden them with your thoughts, for they perceive life with their own experiences. We give them birth but their soul is not ours, for their souls would pave a path of their own.”   

You… me … us, we all have to learn a lot about parenting and time management to cater to our kid’s emotional needs, to help them grow into a confident person.

Don’t over-schedule their routine to keep them busy. 

Never expect him/her to get the highest marks. No doubt standards matter but his ability matters a lot. 

Send this message across to them that parents are their friends but a parent first… Parental authority has to be accepted by them.

Our role is to remind them constantly to work hard and keep trying their best. They are worthy and capable of reaching out to their dreams.

We parents most of the time try to live our dreams through our children...Without a doubt, we have to accept the brutal fact that our kids would grow into a ‘Whole Person’ with their thought processes, ideologies beliefs and values.

We should refrain from conditioning our child into a ‘mini us’ to fulfil our lost dreams.

Undoubtedly we are their support system and the support system is very important for every individual…. Be it a child, an adolescent or elders. All of us are surrounded by an invisible support system provided by nature. No one is abandoned on this planet called Earth.

Like a frail...delicate creeper climbs up with the support of a tree, a fence or a wall…. But the support never shirks or takes away the beauty of that creeper plant, but they stand firm together, side by side. 

Similarly, the child grows with parental support and learns to stand confidently.

pic courtesy:https://www.facebook.com/plantae.paradise.5(Col. Maneet Singh Dwara)

Give them firm ‘Roots’ to grow into a confident person… encourage them to flap their ‘Wings’ of imagination to soar high to wider horizons. 

These ‘Roots’ would help them to bind with the family, culture, heritage and while ‘Wings’ would help them to achieve their goals. 

My 33 years of teaching career as a school teacher has been an eye-opener. This journey has taught me lessons in life. How we elders mess up with parenting.  

LIfe after Death of Internet and Smartphones

What would be lifelike without internet and smartphones? This very idea is frightening…

The life would come to stand still for a few minutes, with stunned bystanders not knowing what has hit them?

In this digital era, none of us can come to the terms of life without the INTERNET. This is an unheard term….. The normal reaction of an internet addict would be …. What the f….!!!  Have you gone crazy????

But let’s visualize life without internet. I would not go into the technicalities of digital era….. Yes, the impact would be disastrous to some extent but let’s see the funny side of it.

It won’t have much impact on the bygone generation, which grew up with books, landline phones, playing games, climbing trees and watching Doordarshan. Life was simple for them. They toiled and worked hard to survive in life.

In this era the knowledge, entertainment, studies…. everything is in the right click of the first button.  The books are a rarity with Kindle, Goodreads presenting digital books for bookworms. 

But with the changed scenario, the tables would turn. No more digital book, just a blank screen.

To state in the simplest words, the world would go into shock mode especially the present generation. They are growing up with these latest technologies and are totally dependent on it.

With Google disappearing from the scene, our youth of the 21^st century would be literally paralyzed without spellcheck, grammar check and other writing tools.

Today variety of information, knowledge, from every field, comes ready-made, on a platter from these search engines. Their only effort in getting the assignment ready is to cut n paste and rephrase it with writing tools.

Their life would be like “a Fish without water” it would suck……

In the absence of social media …… what would happen to the 24/7 active subscribers of Facebook, who love to post regular status updates and selfies from every possible angle n pose? Imagine their plight; they would go berserk with inferiority complex with no thumbs-up sign.

The tweets ….. Where would Twitter be if birds stop tweeting???….. No more nonsense. Their chirping presence would be welcomed out in the open space.

Well, it won't be a depressing scene for everyone……. How???

Everyone is not dumb, the world is full of street smart people. This sudden crash will prove to be a boon for some opportunists; many would eagerly try to cash it.

With internet crash, the e-commerce, online sales, communication would come to standstill, total lockdown minus COVID 19. The rat race, to be first to grab the possibilities would begin……..

No line of communication without email…… that obsolete postal services would make a comeback along with it our old habits of writing letters.….. The e-companies definitely would line up to own the rights of postal services and create their own delivery channels.

Online digital entertainment crackled and blank screen staring back at us….. No problem…. Prime, Netflix, Hotstar, would change their business strategy. 

They would start selling CDs and DVDs. Every city would be having its outlet. They are back in business with record sales in their share…

 Video parlours which were on the brink of closing down would be back with a bang!!! CD/DVD players would be sold like hotcakes.

Wait, did I miss something?????

Yes, the hackers…. Scammers… people with remarkable abilities, working successfully from the darknet. What about them?

Time for them to surface in human form from “incognito’ presence and offer their services in some productive work.

Well, these are just hypothetical situations. Technology has advanced by leaps and bounds. The Human race has survived against many odds and it would come out from this hypothetical catastrophe too. So smile…… Cheerio!!!!!

PS - While I was busy penning down these lines and was about to upload it, to my surprise my laptop almost crashed and I was staring at the blank screen. That was the moment of realisation, yes, life would be boring without the internet. This little window opened the whole new world for me. I met so many people and shared experiences, learnt so much about our interests, hobbies... I would definitely like to stay connected to this beautiful world through the internet. 

A New Beginning in Twilight Years !!!!

I always wanted to pen down my thoughts. My retirement plan was to devote time to my ‘Me time’ to do two things in my bucket list….. Road tripping across India, and online work (teaching n content writing). 

I did go for a Mobike trip to Uttrakhand for a week on Royal Enfield Himalayan with my son. It was a road trip to remember. 

                                              

I enjoyed it thoroughly. I was young once again at 64. It was an experience to remember.

Unfortunately, the Covid-19 pandemic stalled my plans to travel, so I decided to switch over to writing.

While browsing I came across ‘Work n hire, site. I created an account and landed with my first Content Writing project meant for freshers.

I grabbed the opportunity; it was an entirely new experience. The handler was very supportive and guided me through 30+ assignments.

 It was an exciting journey but the payment was pathetic. No doubt the plus point was I learnt the writing skills needed to become a content writer.

I had joined an entirely new field ….. I learnt about plagiarism, SEO/keywords, writing strategies….. The list is long.

After a few more experiences it was evident that I must train myself in this new field to be a successful content writer.

About a week back an ad flashed on my Facebook wall, ‘ContentVidhya - Learn Content Writing!” https://www.facebook.com/contentvidhya

Unlike other intimidating, boring corporate ads on custom made templates, it had a simplistic approach.

Something clicked ….. Firstly it was a very client-friendly, simple and straight forward, a professional approach with a personal touch and secondly affordable.

pic courtesy:https://www.facebook.com/contentvidhya/

It was a God-sent opportunity and without giving a second thought I enrolled for the course. I waited excitedly for the classes to begin.

I was a bit nervous in the starting but overcame my fear of unknown. Our Guide UmaMadhavi connected with us immediately. She has come up with sheer grit and hard work. 

The workshop dealt from basics to a higher level. I knew I have a lot to learn.

Assignment guidelines, introduction to different types of writing styles, use of power words n key words, choosing our niche, developing writing skills, the power of social media in promotion of content writing.

  All the possible strategies were discussed and apparently, my stumbling steps were getting firm ground. I was on my way to improve the skills a content writer should have.

Each day assignment was given. Voila!!! I successfully submitted it in time. It proved true that ‘start writing and work towards perfection, don’t wait for perfection to start your journey.’ ContentVidhya

Last but not least the 5 step portfolio guidelines, to announce our entry on the different social platforms, was the ultimate. I was unaware of this side of the strategy.

Above all, I loved the shrewd business strategy when we were asked to write about our journey of the last 6 days with Content Vidhya and post it on our blogs.

Undoubtedly it’s a smart move ….. We divert our subscriber’s attention in our trainers and get them interested. This is how the business is generated.

My journey of the last 6 days was an informative experience and remarkably exciting.

In my future efforts if mistakes are committed, no problem “we learn from our own mistakes as there is no readymade package for success." I feel to establish myself as a Content Writer, there is a lot more to learn.

Thank you Content Vidhya for giving me a chance to polish my writing skills.

You, Me.. n Us we all have to keep learning to enhance our skills and knowledge.

A new beginning always waits for us around the corner. All of us are gifted …. We just have to find a little ‘Me Time’ to devote to ourselves and find that gift!!!!!

A star - Dr. Tarachandra

                                              
                                                   Dr Tarachandra & Dr.(Mrs) S. Tarachandra
                                                  King Edward VII T.B.Hospital
                                              Bhowali Sanatorium, Distt. Nainital

                                                   ( He left us in 2005, 27 June.)

The toughest part of life is when a loved one passes on from this life; we miss their physical presence, voice, warmth. It becomes very difficult for us to accept their transition to the next phase.

 But suddenly we realize that the soul still exists, the physical death of the loved one is not the end of the world. It has merely changed the form.

Dad, we all miss you ...........................

Dr Tarachand was born in 1929. He studied at KGMC in the 50s. He did his specialization at CMC Vellore. He was with the Army on a Short Service     Commission for a while.

He was the first thoracic cardiac surgeon in U.P. He worked with Dr Pomeroy and Dr Earnest Sundaram at Clara Swain Mission Hospital at Bareilly from 1956 to 60. He was well known for performing free surgeries for the poor.

He was also a specialist in medicine. He worked at King Edward VII T.B. Sanatorium Bhowali, Nainital from 1960-73.

  

      King Edward The VII, Bhowali Sanatorium...Pic courtesy Kavita Grover.   

Then he worked at T.B. Hospitals in Saharanpur, Kanpur and Faizabad from 1973 -83.
He retired as the director ESI from Kanpur in 1986.

All through his life, he and his wife worked for various charities. He continued to work for charity until the end.

Dr Tara Chandra

I thank Dr Manmohan Singh and his wife Mrs Malti Singh for sending the following information via email. (October 06,2005)

After his intermediate (science) education, Dr Tara Chandra was
admitted to King George Medical College, Lucknow, in the year 1944. Soon
after his MBBS, which he completed with flying colours, he took up short
service commission in Army Medical Core. After his discharge from the Army, he resumed his post-graduate studies at K.G. Medical College, Lucknow, and passed his MD (Medicine).

 Dr Tara Chandra has all through been a good sportsman. He excelled in Hockey and represented in many of the league matches in Uttar Pradesh. 
   After his MD (Medicine) he joined Clara Swain Methodist Mission Hospital, Bareilly, UP.

 As the luck would have it, instead of practising medicine he took up Thoracic Surgery, which he started learning from scratch under the guidance of Dr Parrell in Mission Hospital, Bareilly. Although it was a challenging job, he did it so well that the patients, as well as his colleagues, marvelled his result. He worked in a team with Dr Parrell and Dr.Earnest Sundharam at the Mission Hospital, Bareilly.

He joined the U.P. Medical Services, where he worked for some
time and then posted as Medical Superintendent and Surgeon in K.E. VII TB Sanatorium. Bhowali.

During his second fruitful years of life, he did a lot of good work and service to humanity. Because of his honesty and good work, the local people were not only jealous but sometimes he had a tough time solving the local disputes and union activities of the hospital. He also worked in ESI Corporation and was posted in Kanpur.

Dr Tara Chandra, a medical specialist by education, who turned
out to be an eminent Thoracic Surgeon, was an honest and devoted worker who will be remembered for times to come.

He is survived by his wife, Dr Shanti Tarachandra who is also a
specialist and trained anaesthiest.

He had four daughters and a son, who are all well settled.

Dr Tara Chandra, breathed his last on 26 June 2005, after a brief illness.

This tragedy was aggravated when the aggrieved family got the
news about the sad demise of his son in the U.S.A., which took place a month earlier than his own death.

Dr Tara Chandra was a friend of friends and always eager to
help anybody or everybody, in need.

© Dr Manmohan Singh and Mrs Malti Singh

**************

I thank Nirupama Kapoor for remembering him as a star.......

A Star

Dear Dr Tarachand,

I don’t even know if there are souls. I really hope there are. Perhaps the souls can read all those electronic bits and bytes floating in space.

I am not going to let you die unsung. People don’t die. They live in our memories. I am going to do my level best to ensure that people know you and remember you.

Way back when I was not even born, you were one of the first few intelligent doctors who realized that the major drug companies were dumping untested medicines in the poorer countries and using people as guinea pigs. And you fought against it.

You worked so hard to help people all the time. You were so kind and generous! I know you spent your own money to buy medicines for your poor patients. I have met so many people who remember you as a kind, warm and giving person. People called you Dr Tara or Dr Chandra, the radiant star and the moon.

I know how you fought against corruption. I miss all those discussions about God and people.

No palatial homes, no flashy cars. A fine, strong, honest gentleman who stood firm against injustice and corruption, who worked very hard to help others, that is how I remember you.

Where ever you are; in heaven or a soul being reborn, I hope you are happy and at peace.

Greatest regards,
Nirupama
(October 06,2005)
****************
A poem dedicated to her dad by Kavita Grover (his daughter)

The Last Journey

The train was late and I had time
To reach for a reason “Why?”
Why dear father did I choose
You to be my guide?

The years flashed by –
You helped me walk and wiped my tears
And stood by me and
Never questioned ‘Why?’
The telephone rang, it could not be,
For we had not said ‘Goodbye’
And I had to get the answers
Of my ‘Why?’

I cried and prayed for two whole nights,
You could not leave me
without the final bye.
A tear rolled down from the corner
Of your eye.
And I knew you were again by my side.
To give the answer to my ‘Why?’
And to bid me Goodbye.

“Be true to your highest convictions”.
Was the motto of your life.
The world mocked you and the stones flew by
But you drew your strength
From the shine in your patient’s eye.
Love, humility, forgiveness,
Were the answers your eyes gave
To the questions of my “Why?”

We wept silent tears, knowing it
Was the final ‘Goodbye’
As I held your hand and Thanked you,
I heard the peeling of the bells nearby.
The cape just lifted off me,
And I knew you had flown by.
I found it strange; the hearse man should say
“Will you sit by me?”

I felt the lingering warmth and the softness
Of your hand,
And yet once more I wanted you to open your
eyes and look deep into mine.
“ The candle burned at both ends
And did not last the night.
But oh! My friends and oh! My foes
It left a lovely light.”*1

But once more I cried out in pain.
And felt his presence sitting by my side,
“Look after Moni…”*2
For he too had left without saying Goodbye!
And again a haunting question,
Which started with a “Why?”

* 1 - My father’s eyes were donated to two blind people.
*2 - “ Moni”, Anand was my younger brother who also left us without a final “Goodbye.”

This poem is dedicated to my father, Dr Tarachandra who left us on his final journey on 26 June 2005.

© Kavita Grover “Babni”

Premonitions, the extra sensory perceptions

Premonition or Precognition is a strong feeling of knowing that something is about to happen. Generally, we observe that animals can perceive any mishappening or natural disaster well in advance and it becomes very obvious from their behaviour.

There is no scientific explanation for this but yes they do happen. If animals can sense it then it is evident that humans are also born with this extraordinary sensory awareness system. But very few of us have the power to sense it and develop it.

But if we allow our perceptions to help us they are useful in facing the premonitional experiences. A revelation that something inevitable, is bound to take place and we can only comment that forewarned is forearmed.

These psychic bonds are evident in very close relations… be it friends or relatives. These are not mere coincidences. I have tried to document these experiences and would be sharing them here………….

May 2002, it was extreme summer, dusty… hot winds….temperature rising…. I was at my school and since morning I was tense, restless… didn’t know the reason why? I wanted to go home.

By 12 o’clock I walked up to my boss to ask for permission to go home…. I informed him that I was free in the last 2 periods and I would be grateful if he allowed me to go home early. Amidst all the arguments of why and why not…. I was so upset that I told him to mark me absent for that day or deduct my one day salary but he should allow me to go home. He saw my desperation and gave me permission to go.

In that scorching heat of 45 degrees, I started my scooter and headed towards home, almost 20 km away.

Just before 2 km from home, the terrain was very bad. The road was being constructed…. … dust all around, high winds… poor visibility, but I could see some distance ahead, an accident had taken place.

One scooter was lying in the middle of the road and somebody was injured. He was trying to get up and a small child was hurt and screaming in fear. As I approached the scene, I was appalled to see it was my husband and my little four- year- old daughter.

The contractor building the road had cordoned off the area with a very thin, almost invisible nylon rope with no caution board. At that very moment, another accident took place.

I helped my husband…. picked up my daughter and immediately left for home. The thin nylon rope had grazed a wound around her neck, it was bleeding.

Reaching home I wanted to clean the wound but she was so scared that she wouldn’t let me touch it and kept screaming in pain and fear. So I just picked her up in my arms and stood under the shower to wash off all the grime and dust.

After she calmed down I sat down and sobbed but thanked God for helping me.

*************